How I Blew My Summer Vacation
by Samanda Hime-sama
Summary: Completed! Mimiru, Tsukasa, Subaru, Kite, 'Rose and Mistral go on a road trip. Contains limes, hentai moments, bombs, secrets, phobias. Mayhem, violence and crazy antics as only the .hackers could provide.
1. A Hentai And A Most Unlikely Couple

Important Notes:

In this story Tsukasa is a guy. Sorry female Tsukasa lovers. I needed another guy to balance out the hormones but the guys will probably end up swimming in estrogen anyways. Although with two and a half guys and three and a half girls the balance is almost even.

I'll leave you to figure out who I cast as the half girl/half guy personality. Hehe. ^_^ Although it won't be hard to figure out by the end of this chapter.

By the way if anyone who reads this story loves manga there is a wonderful one out there called X-Day. Anyone who has ever wanted to blow up something will enjoy it I'm sure. In this story BlackRose' violent tendencies were born from that I'm afraid.

And remember, Subaru doesn't go to school.

Akichi gave me the idea for this story and the entire plot. All I did was give it my own personal twists and write the darn thing. Watch out… something unexpected about the characters will appear in each chapter of the story. 

Dedicated to Her Most Evil Kawaii-ness, Dark Mimi-chan. You have faithfully reviewed all of my .hack fics and given me some good criticism. This one's for you!

Read, Enjoy and Review!

Samanda

Personal Mantra:

Though my soul may sit in darkness

It will arise in perfect light.

I have loved the stars too fondly

To be fearful of the night.

-Unknown

Appropriate Fortune Cookie Proverb For This Story: Happiness is contagious. Spread the seed.

Disclaimer: I do not own .hack/SIGN or any of the related games.

How I Blew My Summer Vacation

Chapter One: A Hentai And A Most Unlikely Couple 

By Samanda Hime-sama and Akichi

At different times on the first day of school and in different classrooms the same phrase was spoken by different teachers.

"Class, I'd like for you to write me a five page essay on what you did on your summer vacation."

From all students throats you could hear a groan building then escaping into the air.

"But Teacher-"

"And it's due tomorrow."

But from five students pens would come an interesting tale each wrote from their own point of view. In the end it was I who collected the other five versions of the story and blended my experience with theirs. The others insisted I write this account of what not to do on your summer vacation because I was the one who was changed most by my experiences with them when I was only seventeen. Surprisingly it ended well enough but you will know that soon enough.

Here is our story.

Isazaki Subaru

*************************************

"Oh C'mon Subaru!" Mimiru pleaded in exasperation. "You really need a break from The World."

"And it's summer vacation," Tsukasa gave Subaru puppy dog eyes.

Subaru gave in to those eyes like Tsukasa knew she would. "How would we get to the summer house?"

"It's really easy," Tsukasa said eagerly. "You see Bear-"

"Let me tell it," Mimiru ordered. "Bear's letting us take his van and since I'm the only one who has a driver's license he's holding me responsible in case anything happens."

"So we'll be staying for three days in Kyoto simply for rest and relaxation?" Subaru eyed Mimiru and Tsukasa suspiciously.

Tsukasa nodded cheerfully as Mimiru smiled so innocently. "Yep."

"Fine." Subaru sighed and hoped her mother said no. "Let me go ask my mom."

***********************

Two days later Subaru found herself on the road with Tsukasa, Mimiru and three recent additions added by Bear as chaperones. They introduced themselves by their online names. Kite, Mistral and BlackRose.

Five minutes into the trip there had already been a fight between Mistral and BlackRose about who would ride shotgun. (Kite has done something to piss both of them off.) Mistral won the coin toss and triumphantly sat in the front seat next to Mimiru. Then they were off.

Twenty minutes later all the windows were down and the van pulled over. By unanimous vote Mistral was dethroned and BlackRose was set in her place. 'Rose made a big deal out of the change, she took the passenger seat with loud laughter and tapped ash out the window.

"I never saw anyone chain smoke two at a time before," Tsukasa muttered in awe to Kite.

Kite grinned wryly. "She has more in common with this vehicle than us, my friend."

"What was that?" BlackRose's voice was suddenly heard, making the other two jump.

"Nothing, Rose. Just talking about car exhaust." Kite called to her and winked at Tsukasa who stifled a laugh.

"Nasty stuff. Smog your cars, people," Mistral said out of nowhere.

Kite, Mistral, Subaru and 'Rose argued in a friendly fashion about who was the best band but when it turned to food they adjourned to lunch. They ended up going to McDonald's.

"Eww. Eat that french fry, Mistral. You're such a hentai," 'Rose said as she eyed Mistral.

Mistral was attempting to suck out the inside of the fry without eating the outside. "What? The others don't have a problem with it. And I'm not a hentai."

The others had moved a table over after Mistral started being so embarassing. Tsukasa quickly looked away but couldn't seem to help the small sideways glances he was giving the older girl. Kite stared and seemed to find the table very interesting to look at. Both boys gulped, wiped blood from their noses and resolved to dream about it later. (More graphically I'm sure! And without fries.)

Mimiru rolled her eyes. "With the exception of the guys who are probably thinking hentai thoughts we are just pretending not to know you."

"Let's talk about something else," Subaru suggested.

"Great!" 'Rose exclaimed. "I found this great site online and I've been trying to get together the ingredients together for one of the projects. Unfortunately nitroglycerin is hard to get nowadays-"

Subaru, Mimiru and Mistral exchange glances and begin discreetly edging away from 'Rose as she burbles on with enthusiasm about her newest passion, The Anarchist Cookbook section 509R, How To Build A Bomb In Your Very Own Garage.

Kite sighs and mutters. "Oh no… I'm tired of hearing about bombs and her plans to blow up the school."

"What was that?" 'Rose loomed over him with an evil glare.

Kite cowered then straightened up when he realized what he did. "I said I'm tired of hearing about bombs! You're such an anarchist."

'Rose gasped. "I am not! I'm a Libertarian, not an anarchist, you- you… tree hugger!"

"Just because I'm a Conservationist-" Kite began but Mimiru interrupted.

"Time to go," Mimiru gripped Kite's arm and Tsukasa grabbed 'Rose. "The workers are going to call the police on us if we don't take off."

They saw a worker pick up the phone. "Ruuuun!"

"Hot damn." Akichi put down the phone and took off his hat. He scratched his head in puzzlement as he stared at the fleeing teenagers. "What lit a fire under their arses?"

He helped a customer then gave her a chaming smile. "Hey ma'am…did you want fries with that?"

**********

Okay how did you like this story? Review and let me know! 

Also I have one hint for the second chapter. The first four people to review will get it and no one else! So be the first to review lol. I will only give it out to people who do a signed review. Sorry people.


	2. Punishments And Pornos

Second chapter up! Yay me! Sorry but I got stuck for a bit on the plot. I didn't know where the characters where leading me but I've got there fine…well at least so far. ^_^

There is a preview for the next chapter at the bottom of this chapter so read! I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Samanda

Dedicated to her most evil kawaii-ness: Dark Mimi-chan.

How I Blew My Summer Vacation

Chapter Two: Punishments and Pornos

Written By:

Samanda Hime-sama and Akichi

The teenagers ran until Mistral got a stitch in her side and pleaded for the rest of the group to stop. Kite, 'Rose, Tsukasa and Mimiru stopped reluctantly for Mistral. Subaru wasn't tired like the others because she was in her electric wheelchair.

"This is your fault," Tsukasa said to 'Rose.

'Rose shook her head. "It's Mistral's fault. She's the one who started the whole mess."

"Yeah," Mimiru glared at Mistral. "If it wasn't for you then 'Rose wouldn't have started talking about bombs."

"It wasn't Mistral's fault-" Subaru started.

The others ignored her with the exception of Tsukasa who squeezed her hand in sympathy.

"Punishment, punishment!" Mimiru chanted in excitement.

Kite looked uncomfortable but he didn't say anything in Mistral's defense. Probably because he was afraid of what 'Rose might do to him under the cover of night.

"I know!" "Rose bounced up and down while Kite followed her bouncing movements with intense eyes and blood dripping from his nose.

Tsukasa looked away before he got another bloody nose. (Also before Subaru caught him and gave him a guilt trip accompanied by a disappointed look.) 

"Next time Kite goes on one of his missions to save the trees, Mistral has to go with him!" 'Rose explained proudly.

"Are you sure that's enough of a punishment?" Mimiru whispered to 'Rose.

'Rose grimaced and whispered back. "Are you kidding me? It will be pure torture for her. All that tree hugging crap, hokey sing alongs and the fact they are all vegetarians? She'll be lucky to find something edible and maintain her sanity."

Mimiru stared at her in horror. "No… no meat?"

'Rose nodded grimly. "Only soy and tofu."

"That's really harsh," Mimiru whispered, pale as a sheet.

'Rose grinned. "Yeah but now I don't have to go!"

*************************

The verdict had been read to a chastised Mistral who up to the end pleaded her innocence. And with justice satisfied, they split up into two groups.

Tsukasa, Mimiru, Subaru and Mistral went to rent two rooms at a local inn and Kite promised they would meet back with them at the inn Tsukasa had picked randomly.

"I hope they make it back soon," Subaru said in a worried tone. "It looks like it might rain."

Mimiru smirked. "If not, I know what they will be doing until the storm ends."

In the foreground Tsukasa and Subaru gave each other innocent and inquiring looks as Mimiru laughed evilly in the background.

********************************

"Damn it, Kite!" 'Rose growled in irritation as she wiggled her butt. "Wrong one!"

"I'm sorry, 'Rose," Kite said meekly. "Will you forgive me?"

"Try harder and I will," 'Rose softened her tone of voice and smiled at him.

"I will," Kite promised. "Now…which tool is the tire iron?"

(Got you, you perverts! Take an innocent conversation and well… cough)

"It's going to rain," Kite told 'Rose.

"Get in the van then. I'm almost done putting on the spare." 'Rose gave him a once over then grinned. "And we can play Sauna Slave while we wait out the storm."

"But I don't want to," Kite whined. "You always make me be the slave."

'Rose just gave him a satisfied look. "Yep and we will play it because it will make me happy. And we want to keep me happy, don't we, Kite?"

Kite gulped and nodded his head quickly. Last time he said no she had made him play another game that sounded so innocent that he had agreed. Queen of the Nile sounded fun until he had been dressed in drag and forced to parade around Tokyo for an hour.

"Good boy," 'Rose purred.

*******************************

Mistral and Subaru were both asleep in Room 8D. They had exhausted themselves after talking about what Tsukasa called 'girl crap' in disgust. Mimiru had enough of that topic in half an hour and joined Tsukasa in the adjoining room.

Tsukasa and Mimiru were bored out of their minds.

They played all the card games each had ever learned, won repeatedly at the board games they had brought with them until Mimiru refused to play anymore and talked themselves into boredom.

"Want to check to see if anything good is on now?" Mimiru offered as she gestured towards the t.v.

"Yeah but with a choice of two channels it's probably going to be pointless," Tsukasa shrugged.

"Well it is two a.m. you know," Mimiru pointed out. "Let's see, there are infomercials here. And now…oh Kami-sama what is that?"

Tsukasa craned his head towards the t.v. and blushed. "It's a porno video, Mimiru. Turn it off."

"No, I want to watch it." Mimiru retorted with her eyes glued to the t.v. "Oh my, I didn't realize anyone could be that bendy."

Against his better judgement, Tsukasa's eyes returned to the t.v. and stuck themselves there. "Wow…" He breathed in surprise and the two preceded to watch the bedroom antics onscreen.

****************************

Knock! Knock!

"Yes, who is it?" A female voice called.

A man's voice replied. "It is your loyal slave, mistress. I have brought the clean towels you requested."

'Rose's voice sounded pleased. "In that case you may enter, slave."

****************************

"I am an alien sent from Alpha Centauri to impregnate you, human woman, and make you bear my seed." The man's voice was monotonous as he advanced on the woman.

"Why add a plot if they can't act?" Tsukasa said to himself as the female onscreen asked questions of the 'alien'.

"Who knows?" Mimiru's voice was baffled as she stared up at the t.v. from her position.

Tsukasa tore his eyes away from the screen and looked down at the girl in his lap.

Mimiru was just as pretty as his longtime crush, Subaru, but in a different way. Subaru had silky long hair the color of a moonless night with dark eyes that glittered like stars as Tsukasa often wrote in his poetry. Mimiru's prettiness was more ordinary but the sparkling force of her personality and the way she was constantly in motion gave her face something beyond conventional beauty.

Tsukasa was not prone to giving into his impulses very often unlike Mimiru who delighted in being impulsive and daring. Nor was he as controlled as Subaru who did nothing without analyzing it first.

So, despite his shyness, that's how he ended up kissing the surprised Mimiru in his lap.

Mimiru, having her longtime crush kissing her, did what any red blooded teenager would do. She kissed him back.

***************************************

Next chapter: Tsukasa/Mimiru lose their virginity to each other and shameless smut between a willing Kite and a lusty, whip carrying 'Rose so if you don't enjoy it then skip to chapter four. When I finally have it up tee hee.

Samanda


	3. Oyasumi Nasai

This is for all the long suffering fans of the Tsukasa/Mimiru coupling who have angsted over not having any or very few lemons to read. I hope this slakes your hunger. ^_^ 

I've decided to make Mimiru and Subaru both seventeen. Tsukasa is a year younger making him only sixteen. And in this fic, Tsukasa is a BOY. If someone had read that helpful hint in the beginning instead of skipping the intro and just reading, he would know this already. Darn person.. 

Unfortunately this will not stay a Mimiru/Tsukasa coupling. What can I say? Akichi is a Subaru sympathizer and believes Tsukasa/Subaru is the only coupling possible for Tsukasa. Humph. Also I have been warned that posting lemons on ff.net can result in the deletion of my account so I have moved my lemons to MediaMiner.org Pen name is still the same.  
  
Sorry but you can blame ff.net for this.   
  
Glossary is at the bottom of the page for those who are curious about the japanese words I have 

used in this chapter. May Air cushion you, Water bless you, Earth sustain you and Fire protect you. Samanda P.S. Keep an eye out for Akichi. He's going to be making another appearance in the next chapter. And yes, it will be entertaining. Dedicated to Her Most Evil Kawaii-ness, Dark Mimi Chan  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the dot hack characters. Although I would like to own Tsukasa or Akichi. Hehe. ^_^  
  
How I Blew My Summer Vacation 

Chapter Three: Oyasumi Nasai 

Written By: 

Samanda Hime-sama and Akichi  
  
It was a long time later when Mimiru roused herself from sleep and untangled herself 

from her lover. She stared down at him awhile just thinking of everything that had led up to this point then she gave a slow smile of someone that's well pleased with herself.  
  
She brushed back a strand of dark hair that had fallen across his face. Her hand froze as 

she heard Tsukasa shift positions but he settled back into sleep.  
  
"Oyasumi nasai, koibito," Mimiru whispered to Tsukasa. 

She covered him with a blanket and disposed of the evidence. She gathered her clothes 

then crossed to the door. She paused and looked back for one more glimpse. Finally she turned back and went through the connecting door to the other room. Mimiru got into her own bed and lay there thinking of what had happened between her and Tsukasa. It had been beautiful, heavenly! And she was glad that her best friend had been her first lover. 

Now I have a part of Tsukasa no one will ever have, Mimiru thought sleepily. He'll never forget me and I'm so glad." 

Glossary: 

Oyasumi Nasai ---------- Good Night 

Koibito -------------------- Lover (Only used for a male.) 

Hentai -------------------- Pervert


	4. Cousins, Phobias And The Panty Thief

The phobia will be explained more in chapter five since I need to work on a few other stories that have been neglected and people are nagging at me to update.

I am sorry for the lack of updates for so long but I am now addicted to EQ. Sleep isn't important is it? 

Samanda

Disclaimer: I do not own dot hack although I would like to own Akichi, Crim and/or Tsukasa. They would just look so good decorating my house don't you think?

Dedicated to Dark Mimi-Chan. (Hey if you review all my stories like she does maybe I'd dedicate a story to you too, hmm.)

How I Blew My Summer Vacation

Chapter Four: Cousins, Phobias And The Panty Thief

By

Samanda Hime-sama and Akichi

Kite and 'Rose slept in the van then hung out in the parking lot until eight a.m. when Mistral finally answered her cell phone and let them into the rooms. 

'Rose proceeded to give everyone a wake up call by screaming "Wake up!" at the top of her lungs.

Kite raised an eyebrow at a naked Tsukasa who had just sat up violently out of a sound sleep. "Dude why are you sleeping on the floor?"

"Umm… couldn't sleep on the bed?" Tsukasa's excuse was lame even to his own ears.

Kite smirked. "Whatever."

Tsukasa's eyes narrowed. "Why are you and 'Rose so late?"

Kite suddenly found the wallpaper interesting. "We had our reasons."

Tsukasa grinned and mimicked Kite. "Whatever."

"Just get dressed. We need to be on the road in half an hour." Kite said over his shoulder as he headed into the other room.

************************

Half an hour later everyone was dressed if not fashionably attired. Out of the six only two looked well rested. Kite and 'Rose had shadows under their eyes but were bouncy as 'Rose drove the van. Mimiru was quiet and introspective as she sat in the back of the van, humming to herself. Tsukasa was noticeably tired but had decided to be sociable today as he was initiating conversations instead of simply participating.

"Hey," Mistral, who was sitting next to Mimiru, suddenly said. "Why is there a big piece of pipe back here?"

"Don't touch it!" 'Rose looked back and snapped at her. 

The van swerved as her attention was taken away from the road. Subaru and Mistral shrieked in alarm. 'Rose turned her attention back to driving and the guys breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'm hungry," Kite whined at 'Rose.

"No, we're not stopping," 'Rose said firmly.

"Come on," Mimiru added.

"No."

"I'll buy your breakfast," Tsukasa tempted her.

"Done!" 'Rose put on her left blinker to get off on the nearest exit. (Remember in Japan they drive on the left side of the road.)

The other occupants of the car except Mimiru cheered at Tsukasa's tactics. Tsukasa turned pink as Subaru squeezed his hand in thanks. Mimiru leaned forward and gave him a hug. She dropped a note into his shirt's front pocket and was relieved when neither Tsukasa nor Subaru noticed.

Mimiru smiled to herself. The note was simple and straight to the point. Hopefully Tsukasa would understand.

********************

"We're here!" Mistral cried out joyfully and clapped her hands together.

'Rose narrows her eyes. "Who's that ringing the doorbell?"

Everyone turned to see a man in his late twenties knocking on the door. He was dressed conservatively in a charcoal gray suit and looked to be frowning down at a slip of paper in his hand.

Toshiwara Shin frowned and looked down at the slip of paper that read: 156 Shinju Lane. He had the right address so where was the owner of the house?

"Excuse me but can I help you?" Mimiru asked politely as she walked up from behind him.

"I'm looking for a Miwa Satoshi," the cute stranger inquired of the group.

Kite stepped forward amidst the rest of the confused group. "That's me but please call me Kite."

"I'm here on behalf of the Sakaeru Corporation to grant you your prize money from the pinball tournament you won a month ago," the businessman smiled and handed him a check.

"Why did you have him send it here?" Subaru asked Kite.

'Rose smiled fiercely. "Because his parents would have spent the money. That's why."

Mistral wandered up to the cluster of people on the front porch dragging her two suitcases. She wondered why everyone was just standing outside instead of going in and picking rooms but the vague thought left her mind as she spotted the newcomer. Mistral smiled happily.

Mistral tackled the stranger and hugged him enthusiastically. "Shin!"

When Shin finally could breathe again he gasped. "Cousin Umi how nice to see you."

"You're related?!" 'Rose, Tsukasa and Kite chorused in unison while Subaru just blinked.

"Yup!"

"Kami-sama, I feel sorry for you, Shin." 'Rose muttered in sympathy.

Shin just grinned weakly from under Mistral's exuberant body. Then he looked at Subaru and frowned slightly. His eyes widened.

"Subaru-sama?"

***********************************

"I'm Krim," Shin smiled at Tsukasa, Mimiru and Subaru.

"Holy shit," Kite breathed then yelled, "Ow!"

"I don't like words like that," 'Rose said warningly.

Kite grinned. "That's not what you were saying last night."

He took off running towards the bedrooms as 'Rose shrieked and tried to smack him silly. She pursued him into a room and a door slammed. Tsukasa, Mimiru, Subaru and Krim flinched at the shrill screams from 'Rose, Kite's yelps of pain and general crashing noises coming from the room.

"Thar's it," Tsukasa said. "That's their room. I don't want to be sleeping in there after they get done."

The other three nodded solemnly. Mistral couldn't care less since she was in the kitchen listening to her walkman while singing and dancing to Britney Spears. The three flinched again at a particularly high note Mistral hit that threatened to shatter their eardrums.

"Sometimes I wonder if she was adopted," Krim said and the other two nodded.

"On another subject," Subaru said quietly. "Do you have a place to stay ronight?"

Krim just smiled.

******************************

"Thank Kami-sama that I got a room to myself," Mimiru sighed in relief.

There were four bedrooms in Bear's vacation home. Kite and Rose got the one they had dismantled, Mistral and Subaru shared another room since they got along so well. Krim had accepted their invitation so he was bunking with Tsukasa and that left Mimiru alone in the smallest bedroom. But that was fine for Mimiru since she felt that not having to put up with anyone else more than made up for the size of the room.

Mimiru gloated some more as she opened her suitcases and began to unpack. A frown crossed her face and she searched for it again.

"Hey! Where the hell did my favorite panties go?" A smile crossed her face. "Nevermind, I think I know who has them."

**********************

And somewhere in the house a person waited till the other person left and then unpacked the secret treasures stolen from the others while they were in route. The hands reached in and touched the items. Caressing them then bringing one out to rub the silky material against a cheek before settling it back into the a piece of luggage.

A knock sounds on the door and the person zips the luggage up quickly.

"Come in."

Mimiru walks inside and shuts the door behind her. She sits on the bed beside the luggage and looks at the person who seems a little nervous. Mimiru smiles and hugs him. "If you wanted a pair of my panties so badly you should have asked, Tsukasa."

Tsukasa looked guilty as hell as he gave her a sheepish smile. "Caught red handed." He looked scared. "Please Mimiru… don't tell anyone."

"I won't," Mimiru promised him and held out her hand.

Tsukasa unzipped his bag and handed her the stolen item. Mimiru nodded in thanks and looked around trying to think what to do with them. Finally she grimaced and stuck them in her pocket. 

Tsukasa looked at her with relief. "By the way I read your note. Thank you for being so understanding about last night. It was special but-"

Mimiru interrupted. "It was special but you're not in love with me. I know, Tsukasa, don't beat me over the head with it."

Tsukasa looked away and said. "I know. Sorry."

"Just be happy, Tsukasa. You're my best friend you know." Mimiru smiled at him and left the room.

"You're mine too." Tsukasa said to the empty room then sighed. "I wish I loved you though, Mimiru. Everything would be so much easier."

******************************

"Time to go back and put my laundry in the dryer," Mistral exclaimed happily. "Do you need to do yours, Subaru?"

Subaru's pulse speeded up and she gulped. "Yes."

"Then let's go!"

Subaru wheeled into the room behind Mistral and watched with trepidation as Mistral opened the dryer door and stuck her arms inside. The light was dim in here and the red lights on the dryer were lit and looked like demonic eyes glaring at Subaru. 

Subaru screamed like she was being murdered. Mistral jumped and spilled her clothes all over the floor. She rushed over to Subaru as Krim and Tsukasa rushed to the site of distress.

"What's wrong?" Mistral asked.

"The dryer," Subaru hiccuped and burst into tears. "It's possessed!"

Footnotes: 

The only reason that I know about the incident is that Tsukasa once mentioned it after he drank one too many and we played Truth or Dare. He had chosen Truth and 'Rose asked him what his darkest secret was. He told us and I was shocked. I had wondered of course why my unmentionables were always disappearing but I thought it was a simple case of the dryer monster eating them.

And yes I do have a phobia about dryers. They just exude a sense of evil and darkness. If you don't believe me you are more than welcome to visit Tori's website. It's located at: www.sanerantings/ofpervadingevil/dryersofdarkness.com/

- Isawa Subaru


	5. Uncle Ernie Was A Soulless Husk Of A Man

Sorry for the long wait in an update but here's the next part. If I don't get very many responses for this chapter I'm probably going to discontinue this fic. So if you love this story then you had best review! Or I'll sick Krim on you.

Samanda

  


Disclaimer: I don't own .Hack nor am I making a profit writing this story. It's all in pure fun not monetary compensation.

  
  


How I Blew My Summer Vacation

Chapter Five: Uncle Ernie Was A Soulless Husk Of A Man

Written By

Samanda Hime-sama, who was forced to work by her oveerseer, Akichi

  
  
  


Subaru finally calmed down after half an hour of reassurance. Rose

assured her that if the dryer was possessed it was by nothing satanic. Probably just an old family spirit that refused to pass on, she explained but refused to tell anyone exactly how she knew. Rose just told Subaru that she was psychic and knew everything there was to know about ghosts. (Kite later spoke of her traumatizing childhood being raised at a Shinto shrine.)

Mistral swore that it was her uncle Ernie after Rose got through speaking

about the ghost's peculiar habit of collecting bags from Victoria's Secrets. Krim just shook his head at the whole thing and refused to speculate. Kite shrugged and offered his friends some fried soy protein which all declined politely.

Mistral was just getting too weird for everyone but Kite and Rose.

She began lighting incense and praying to her 'Uncle Ernie' several times a day. Mimiru was just freaked out and wouldn't even approach Mistral for any reason.

Tsukasa had gently pulled the still traumatized Subaru away from the chaos in the laundry room. Subaru was shaking as she stared down at her hands.

"Are you okay?" Tsukasa asked her gently.

Subaru looked up. "I'll be fine. We only have two more days after all."

"That's true," Tsukasa agreed then gathered his courage. "But how about we get out of the house tonight?"

Subaru brightened and inquired, "Pizza?"

"Sure." Tsukasa smiled.

"Great. I'm sure everyone will really enjoy this!" Subaru was all but bouncing around.

A crestfallen Tsukasa muttered. "Yeah, I'm sure they will."

*********************

"No!"

Tsukasa begged. "C'mon. Please."

"No!" Mimiru repeated herself as she glared at Tsukasa.

Tsukasa was desperate. "Please Mimiru. All I need you to do is to drive us there and back. You can ditch us until we're ready to come home."

"No," Mimiru stuck her nose in the air and turned her face away.

Sensing that he was wearing her down he continued. "You can bring someone along to talk to while Subaru and I are at the pizza place."

"Ha! There's no one I want to talk to right now. They are all weird."

Tsukasa got down on his knees and clasped his hands together in a begging pose. "Please Mimiru. You are my best friend and I need your help. There's no one else I could ask to help me with this."

Mimiru's mouth twitched and she opened her mouth to say something-

Kite burst into the room. "Tsukasa! I need you to- Whoa there! Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt you."

Kite backed up in horror and took off running from the scene where he thought Tsukasa was proposing to Mimiru. After all, to a guy like Kite, nothing can be worse than being shackled to a ball busting bitch who's chains you will never entirely escape even after your both dead and occupying a place in the Afterlife. Well except for the short reprieve after one of you dies and the other is waiting to join them.(And if anyone disagrees with this statement I haven't made 'Rose's tendencies clear enough to you!)

Tsukasa and Mimiru stare after Kite who's running like devils are chasing after him (which in a sense they are) then Mimiru snorts.

"Fine, I'll do it." Mimiru glared at him. "But only to get out of this crazy place."

"Thank you," Tsukasa bounced up from his kneeling position and started dancing. 

"Ahhh! The torture! Stop dancing!" Mimiru yelled. "First I have to deal with a Britney Spears wannabe who's praying to a dryer who she thinks is housing the spirit of her dead uncle. And now there's you!"

"But he's not dead," Mistral chirped as she appeared in the doorway. "My mom always said Uncle Ernie sold his soul to the devil to be rich but now I can tell her I found it for him!"

Mimiru and Tsukasa fell over, anime style. "Get me out of here," Mimiru said weakly. "I'm going to go insane."

"Meet you out by the car." Tsukasa whispered.

Mimiru ran into Krim as she made her way urgently to the front door. "Sorry."

"What's the rush?" He asked.

Mimiru answered. "Need to find a sanctuary for my sanity. If you wish to come meet us by the car."

"Let's go." Krim said fervently as he ran to catch up with Mimiru, who was almost running by now.

  
  
  
  
  


*************************

Stay tuned to see how the pizza experience went. Will Mimiru ruin Tsukasa's chance at love with Subaru? Or will Mimiru find someone to share her problems with.


	6. A Slice Of Heaven

Here's the next chapter. Longest one ever. Enjoy!

Samanda

  


Disclaimer: No, I don't own .Hack nor am I making a profit off of this story. I also do not own Reeses Peanut Butter Cups nor do I own Spongebob Squarepants. Both references are made in passing so please do not sue me.

  
  


How I Blew My Summer Vacation

Chapter Six: A Slice Of Heaven

By

Samanda Hime-sama and Akichi

  
  


"Hurry up!" Mimiru screamed out the driver's side window as she turned on the car.

It was a scene to remember as Tsukasa and Subaru flew out the door towards the waiting van.

A smiling Mistral's head popped through the front door that the fleeing teenagers left open. The sunny smile that adorned her vacant face seemed to have a tinge of evil to those who had been tormented by her very presence. Her smile blurred into that of a horrible leer that could have graced Spongebob Squarepants' face. Her eyes seemed to narrow malevolently as they glanced at the escaping teens. Everything turned slow motion then. 

She inquired something in a voice that was incomprehensible to the four horror struck teens. She preceded to move out of the doorway and skipped down the steps.

Krim held open the door as Tsukasa dragged Subaru the last couple of feet by her hand. Subaru shrieked while she was being jolted a few times. It made her voice jump up and down the scale like one of those musical lollipop flutes, giving Mistral the impression she was imitating some new kind of song.

Mistral started dancing as she hurried towards the van. Subaru and Tsukasa dove into the van and Krim shut the door. The two runners panted as Krim claimed the front seat and Mimiru took off. Leaving a choking Mistral in a cloud of dust.

"Hey!" Mistral shouted and waved at the back of the speeding van. She gave up and mumbled. "All I wanted was a couple more candles..."

*******************************

"At last," Mimiru announced as she walked through the door of A Slice OF Heaven. "Sanity reigns supreme here."

"Well we took the van," Tsukasa comforted Subaru. "She has no way to get here."

Subaru said. 'I hope not. Let's look forward to a bit of peace and quiet before we have to go back."

"I agree," Krim nodded. "However did you meet Ume anyways?"

Tsukasa shrugged. "We didn't. Bear wanted a couple of older, responsible kids to chaperone us. He knew them somehow."

"What a joke," Mimiru muttered as they found an empty booth. "I'm going to tell Bear how irresponsible and crazy those three are. How they managed to appear normal to Bear I'll never know."

The others nodded at her comments as they sat in the booth. Krim scooted in them Mimiru sat next to him. It wasn't a matter of choice because Tsukasa had glued himself to Subaru's side as soon as they had gotten out of the van.

"What kind of pizza do we want?" Subaru wanted to know.

Tsukasa asked, "Pepperoni?"

"Veggie," Subaru contributed.

Krim thought about it. "Hawaiian."

"Combination!" Mimiru said.

"Alright..." Tsukasa shrugged.

Krim said. "... Fine."

"Sounds good to me," Subaru smiled.

*****************************

"Alright, how would Sora eat a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup?" Mimiru asked Krim, laughing.

"He would harass it until it gave up it's member address. Either that or pk it." Krim winked at her and she giggled.

"I know! Kite would data drain an unbeatable monster until it became a peanut butter cup then nibble on it." Mimiru said. "And BT?"

"Probably suck out the peanut butter and throw it away before eating the chocolate shell." Krim made a face.

"Enough, enough," Mimiru giggled.

Krim grinned. "One more. How would 'Rose eat hers?"

Mimiru shivered. "She'd whip it into shape before biting into it savagely."

"I'm not going to ask how you know that," Krim said, eyeing her. 

Mimiru shrugged. "It's kind of hard to miss that sort of thing when they are unpacking their suitcase in the living room for all to see."

"True." Krim said then changed the subject. "So why are we really here/"

Mimiru smiled. "Tsukasa has a crush on Subaru and wants to let her know. But so far Subaru has been clueless about Tsukasa's real feelings."

"Bet?" Krim suggested.

Mimiru was outraged. "I would never do something like that! Betting on my friends feelings like that! I would be a disgrace, an unfeeling-"

"How long till they begin making out?" Krim interrupted.

"Ten minutes after his confession." Mimiru said promptly, without a pause.

Krim fell over, anime style. When he recovered, he thought about it. "Four minutes."

"Prize?"

Krim smiles. "Loser buys pizza for the winner."

"Deal," Mimiru said.

And both of them settled in to watch the show.

"Subaru..." Tsukasa began then hesitated.

"Yes, Tsukasa?" Subaru said hopefully.

Tsukasa fidgeted. "I wanted to ask you something."

"Go ahead," Subaru's eyes followed the pattern she was tracing with her fingers.

Tsukasa took a deep breath. "I've been meaning to ask you..."

"Here's your pizza." One of the employees set it down in front of the two. "Do you need any Parmesan cheese or chiles? How many plates do you want?"

Tsukasa fell back into his chair with a defeated sigh. Subaru answered, "Four plates and yes, please."

"Enjoy your meal, kids." The guy wandered back and disappeared into the back.

Subaru looked at Tsukasa. "I'm sorry... You were saying?"

"Did you want to go see a movie sometime?" Tsukasa was becoming desperate.

Subaru smiled. "Sure, all of us can go after we have pizza."

"No," Tsukasa was close to banging his head against the table. "Just us two."

Subaru really looked at him. "Like a date?"

"Yes, a date." Tsukasa was relieved she understood. "I've liked you for a long time, Subaru. It took me awhile to realize my feelings for you but I know them now. I love you."

Subaru was teary eyed. "Oh Tsukasa. I love you too. Of course I'll go out with you!"

Cheesy romantic music started playing in the background. Tsukasa and Subaru turned around to look at the jukebox. A guilty Mimiru smiled sheepishly at the couple while holding a handful of quarters. Krim stood by and watched the soap opera moment with the tolerant disgust of any man as he shook his head slowly.

Subaru and Tsukasa's faces turned towards each other. Their eyes met and seemed stuck to one another. Tsukasa's head lowered and Subaru tilted her head back in preparation for a kiss to seal the romantic moment.

"Ow!" Subaru exclaimed and both parties rubbed their aching foreheads.

"Sorry," Tsukasa apologized then swooped down for a kiss. This time neither was harmed in the participation of the experiment. And neither were any animals.

Pizza was forgotten as the two started making out. The same music kept playing in the background. A perfect foil for such a moment. The other two lost their appetite as they watched the display. In fact Mimiru kept swallowing as if she were sick. And maybe she was.

"Gross," Mimiru muttered as Tsukasa attempted to see how far his tongue could be stuck down Subaru's throat. Without her choking.

Krim shrugged. "Eh, he's just trying to see something. Impressive. Subaru must not have a gag reflex. Tsukasa must be happy to learn that."

"What do you mean?" Mimiru looked at Krim, puzzled.

Krim rubbed the back of his neck and laughed in embarrassment. "Eh? Nothing, Mimiru."

"I guess you win." Mimiru shrugged. "Should I just pay for the pizza now?"

Krim said. "No. Let's save that for another time."

Mimiru gave him a once over when he wasn't looking. Krim was a bishounen, no doubt about that. In fact she didn't mind if they had pizza somewhere by themselves. Maybe a whole lot of pizzas were in their future.

"Sure." She smiled dazzlingly. "I'm not feeling hungry right now. But I will be later."

Krim just laughed. Somehow he got the feeling that she wasn't just talking about pizza anymore. But he's a guy. It didn't bother him one bit.

  



	7. How Barbie And Honey Groove With The Dev...

Okay people. This is officially the last chapter of this story barring the epilogue which will soon follow. Hopefully.

I thank all of you for your patience with me and my random, unexplained sabbaticals. If anyone would like to complain you may send your kibitzing to the email address posted below. Akichi abandoned me in my hour of need for humorous writiing. He advised me to simply leave this incomplete. But I couldn't do it.

Samanda

complaintsdept@hellgate.net

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the things mentioned in the story below. Any characters used for the amusement of others do not belong to me in any way. Have a nice day.

How I Blew My Summer Vacation

Chapter Seven: How Barbie and Honey Groove With The Devil

Written By:

Samanda Hime-sama and Akichi

Mimiru sighed as she plopped down in the driver's seat. "Do we really have to go back?"

"We went for pizza then saw a movie." Tsukasa said. "Let's just go home. I'm tired of Kite text messaging me."

"I just want to relax for a while," Subaru agreed with Tsukasa. "I'm ready to go back."

Mimiru looked at Krim. He shrugged. "I'm tired too. This is a vacation for me too, you know."

"Fine." Mimiru sighed and turned on the van. "Don't blame me if they blew up the house while we were gone."

**************************

Silence held the four in it's grip as they pulled into the driveway. Subaru gasped then covered her mouth with her hand. Krim merely closed his eyes and shook his head. Tsukasa was speechless but that didn't last long.

"Oh God. Bear is going to kill me!" Tsukasa said fervently.

Krim found his voice. "You were wrong, Mimiru. It wasn't the house. It was only the garage."

"Park," Tsukasa ordered. "I need to talk to the firemen."

"Yes, sir." Mimiru said sarcastically then parked.

Tsukasa jumped out of the van. He cornered a firefighter and asked him what was going on. The fireman, happy that son of the house owner was there, freely answered his questions.

"Arson?" Tsukasa yelled. "Kite and Rose blew up Bear's garage?"

The fireman squinted at him tiredly. "Apparently the young lady had a pipe bomb hidden in the garage. You're lucky that it went off at such an opportune time. No one was hurt."

"So I'm lucky." Tsukasa said sarcastically. "I want to press charges against them!"

The rest of the group hurried over as they heard Tsukasa's voice getting louder before he started yelling at the fireman. Recognizing that Tsukasa had gone beyond his breaking point, Krim drug him away forcibly and made him sit in the van.

Mimiru and Subaru looked at each other, for once in perfect agreement, as Subaru headed for the van to calm down a raging Tsukasa. Mimiru stayed near the fireman and asked to speak with the criminals.

"They're over there." The fireman jerked a finger in the direction of a police car.

Mimiru smiled. "Thanks."

Mimiru and Krim went over to talk to Kite and Rose. Both were a little dirty as the cops had made them lay down flat on the ground so they could cuff them. Kite looked scared but Rose simply looked pissed.

"They will feel my wrath." She said calmly.

At this announcement, Kite lost what little color he had. His hands clenched and whitened as he cowered away from Rose. The small movement attracted Rose' attention and she turned towards Kite. She gave him a small smile and patted his cheek gently.

"Don't worry, koi." She looked towards the police then noticed Mimiru and Krim. "Hello, you two. Came to bail us out I hope."

"It depends." Krim answered. "What are you willing to do to stay out of jail?"

"_Anything_," Kite said desperately. "Just don't let me become the cell mate of some guy who likes to molest other guys. _Please_."

Mimiru's eyes took on a crafty look. "I have a good trade in mind for you."

"What is it?" Kite said eagerly.

"I'm much more in favor of my idea." Rose spoke in a dramatic secretive whisper that could be heard by everyone.

"Pay for the damages you two did to the house and we'll call it square." Mimiru said evenly.

Kite was in despair. "But how will we do that?"

"The prize money would be a good start." Mimiru said slowly as if the idea had just occurred to her.

Rose was quick to shoot that idea down. "No, we need that money to fund our adult website."

"Rose!" Kite protested, flushing. "They don't need to know that."

Rose smirked. "Tough. You know as well as I do that we need to purchase more merchandise to sell."

"The way I see it," Krim broke in. "You have two options here. Jail or reimbursement to Tsukasa's father. What will you pick?"

"Jail." Rose said flatly. "I can always pimp Kite out in exchange for protection."

Kite whined. "Rose. That's not funny."

"Whoever said I was joking?" Rose looked at him.

Kite started to get angry. "Fine then. I guess some secrets are bound to slip out."

Rose looked alarmed. "Now, see here, Kite."

Kite looked at Krim and said conversationally. "Did you know that Rose once sang a Barbara Streisand song for a talent show when she was twelve?"

"Uh, no. I didn't." Krim cleared his throat and looked away from Rose, who quivered with aggravation.

In a stunning role reversal, Kite took charge as he continued to tell Krim embarrassing anecdotes from Rose's childhood. For once Rose was speechless. She could only interrupt helplessly as Kite steam rolled over her and dismissed her objections.

"Give them the money!" She screamed finally as Kite switched his gaze to Mimiru and continued the torture,

Kite said in satisfaction. "I knew you'd see it my way."

Mimiru whispered to Krim, "I guess Rose' fantasy about Draco Malfoy dressing up as Barbie and drizzling honey all over the Tazmanian Devil is disturbing. Especially coupled with voyeurism."

"Scary." Krim shuddered.

"Tell Tsukasa we agree to it." Kite said in a surprisingly firm tone of voice.

Mimiru smiled. "Got it."

As Mimiru and Krim walked off towards Tsukasa they could hear Kite murmur, "I want to see you in your old Catholic school girl uniform. Knee high socks and all."

"With a lollipop in my mouth and a whip in my hand?" Rose said seductively.

Mimiru shivered and Krim agreed with her sentiment. "That's just not right..."

In the meantime....

"Can you let me go now?" Mistral sniffed pitifully then looked up into the firefighter's face.

"No ma'am." He said cheerfully if sympathetically. "You'll have to wait for the police to do that."

"What's your name?" She asked, thinking he was cute and cursing her own sooty, dirty appearance.

"Akichi, ma'am." He smiled.

Mistral smiled dazzlingly. "I'm Mistral. Can you help me get my Uncle out of here?"

"Where is he?" Akichi asked with concern.

  
  



	8. Epilogue

  
  
  


How I Blew My Summer Vacation

Chapter Eight: Epilogue

Written By:

Samanda Hime-sama

  


Life is interesting, isn't it? When parents look down at a newborn child; they see an empty slate. Parents always have plans as well as hopes and dreams for the children that they sire and rear. But after a certain point, children become unmanageable and stop listening to their parents. After that, parents can only observe and try to reach them as children grow up and make their own decisions.

I know my parents are proud of me. Like most of my peers, I went through a rebellious stage and shut my ears to my parents advice but it didn't last long. The loss of motor control in my legs made me dependant upon them and others from a young age. I love them more than ever for their patience and for what they sacrificed for me as I grew up. They have made me into the person I am today. And I will always be proud of them.

I know they are proud of me for graduating college as a computer programmer. They talk of me to their friends and tell them that I have achieved all my goals. But that isn't right. Everything I have accomplished in my life I have done it with hard work and determination but I still have more goals yet to reach. Like being a good wife and mother.

My father in law, Bear, once told me that life stops for no one. And he's right. Life stops for no one and it does not take anything into consideration; it simply keeps blundering on. But poor mortals like ourselves, insist on trying to control the future ahead of us and make life conform into something we want it to. Sometimes that works but life is often fond of throwing obstacles into one's path when least expected.

Two years have passed since Tsukasa and I married. We are extremely happy together. Tsukasa is a successful financial analyst and I'm working at one of the top game companies as a programmer. Our daughter, Akiko, was born five months after we married hastily. We hope to have more children in a few years after we are more stable financially.

Ah, Mimiru. She lives in the same district as us in Tokyo and we try to get together as much as possible to catch up. She graduated college last year and was plucked up immediately by a famous restaurant. She's quite happy as a gourmet chef. We are also pleased when she comes over to visit because she brings the most delightful dishes. 

Krim has advanced in the company that he works for. He gave up traveling a few years back to stay close to Mimiru. Despite a number of challenges, they have managed to stay together. They are deeply in love and he proposed to her two weeks ago. She accepted with a kiss then dragged him back to her apartment. I swear, those two are shameless! More than one of their friends has caught them before (I, included!) but Mimiru just laughs it off. That woman always did love to live dangerously.

All of us keep in touch rather irregularly. It's Bear who we sometimes get the latest news from. Mistral tentatively got in touch with Bear and then us when she bought another copy of The World. And after all it took Rose and Kite a long time to pay off their debt. Rose ended up joining the army right after we got back. She loved it and is still career military to this day. She excelled in covert operations and earned herself the nickname 'Nitro' as her army buddies sometimes call her less than fondly.

Kite runs an adult site online with help from Rose. They both make a surprising amount of money from it. It's scary how successful their site it since it deals with fetishes and other kinds of perversions I don't want to know about. They live together but are unmarried. Kite is firm that marriage is a institution meant to trap a male and divest him of his freedom to be a man. (Those were his exact words.) Rose is still browbeating him to change his mind but on this I doubt she will get her way. I don't think they plan on having children and secretly, I sigh with relief. The pictures I sometimes get if that ever happened, make me want to shudder. Kite and Rose as parents? The poor child would be doomed from conception.

Mistral fled after the garage incident and no one heard from her for six months. It turned out that she rescued 'Uncle Ernie' from his captivity with the help of a young, naive volunteer fire fighter named Akichi. They ended up in South America on the wrestling circuit for a while but decided it didn't suit them. Two months ago they started a business to help people find the souls of dead relatives that might be stuck in appliances. 'Uncle Ernie' being the showcase for the unbelievers, I suppose.

Mistral had two sets of fraternal twins with her firefighter husband. It's interesting to note that all children have taken after their mother in both appearance and eccentricities. Let us hope that the three girls and the one boy will not get wrapped up in a cult when they grow into teenagers.

All of us are happy with our lives. I guess you could say that going on vacation with my friends was the last adventure of mine before I became an adult. It changed me and opened my mind up wider to the world around me. It's when I found out Tsukasa loved me. It also showed me what a temper he had! And how he worries over the things he deems important.

So in the ending of my girlhood I found the beginning of my life as an adult. I am lucky in this. Not many people can look back in later years and pinpoint the exact moment when they ceased to be a child. I have no such vague sense of time in this instance for which I am profoundly glad.

When I turned wrote the rough draft for this so long ago and turned it into my 12 grade teacher I never thought I'd come back and finish it later. I stumbled across my paper and the ones I rescued from the others. From that, this account was born.

This might be the last chapter of the book but it isn't the end of our lives by any means. It's just an explanation of what happened afterwards. There's still much more ahead of us left to go. And I for one can't wait to experience it.

Compiled and Written By:

Isazaki Subaru


End file.
